Part 4 / When should you finish your final affairs and start planning your celebration of life?
Preparing Ahead for the ones you leave behind
Miriam Neff
originally published in Mature Living Magazine, July 2022
Applause! Applause! You are courageously reading the fourth and final article in our series “Preparing Ahead for the Loved Ones You Leave Behind.”
By way of quick review, in Part 1 we agreed that we prepare because we love our family and know God has entrusted us with all we have. That’s motivation to act.
Next we act! In Part 2, we listed seven actions to take. We prepare important documents — the most important being a will and a trust. How did you do? Have you filed the documents in a “love box”? Still more to gather? At least you’ve started!
Then in Part 3, we covered how to prepare our family. We communicate as clearly and gently as we can. I hope you gleaned some legacy talk ideas.
Follow Through Until You Finish
So what’s left to do in this preparation process? Urgency describes the tasks left undone, and peace follows when you finish. We’ve mentioned in this series that family talk of finances is often avoided. It’s uncomfortable. People will disagree. Will they understand? Will talking family finances create or avoid hard feelings later?
Procrastination prevails. My recommendation? Act on each aspect yesterday. We don’t know if we have tomorrow. I know of young husbands who died on a treadmill with no life insurance to cover the mortgage. Health emergencies happen with no plan for end-of-life care after a hip fracture or memory loss. Hasty decisions are made when emotions are raw and everyone is exhausted.
Rather than tell more stories, remember why we prepare ahead for the family we leave behind? Because we love them.
Take action! Do you need to meet with the attorney who drew up your trust? Schedule that meeting today. Write your list of questions relevant to decisions you are pondering. We recommend revisiting your trust every five years at least. Life happens and families change.
Do you need an accountability partner? I have been invited to attend that attorney meeting with a new widow. She needed encouragement and another set of ears. She was right on target with her actions. She just needed a bit of affirmation.
Honor God With Your Celebration of Life
Have you communicated your desires for your celebration of life? Start a simple list. What would you like said? My mother-in-love had written her life story, short version. That was the foundation for her life celebration. Pictures were added and her favorite songs. We were thankful for her efforts.
I’d suggest creating a life celebration box containing plans you have made for burial and attending costs, phone numbers, and related documents. Indicate whether you’d like flowers or prefer money to be donated to a few organizations you value. If no plans have been made, your family needs to know that as well.
Include in this box your wishes for a celebration that will honor God and offer comfort and hope for your loved ones. Write a brief story of your life and share your favorite songs, Bible verses, and photos. You can indicate a master of ceremonies or pastor to conduct the event. You might include a list of a few friends who know you well. They may be asked for ideas or even invited to share memories.
Urgency describes the tasks left undone, and peace follows when you finish.
Let me share some examples with you:
I remember simple celebrations of my parents at a small-town funeral home two blocks from a little cemetery in Indiana. Farm-fare dishes were brought by friends and arranged buffet style in the next room: fried chicken and fried green tomatoes.
I once attended a unique celebration in an airport hangar. While the memorial table of the pilot and the elaborate buffet were impressive, the flyby of several quiet planes — with one exiting the formation and flying out of sight — offered a lasting image of his life.
One precious Christ-follower asked that she be buried with a fork in her hand. Her words were, “Dessert, the best ever is ahead.” She wanted the speaker to explain the importance of that fork in her hand: Heaven ahead — the best is yet to come. What a great reminder for her family of her sure faith.
Another family, known for their hospitality, requested a great buffet when Dad passed. Fabulous food and time together mattered. What a joyful memory!
After one lover of sweets departed to heaven, baskets of individually wrapped candy were given for attendees to take home with them after the celebration of life.
With my husband’s homegoing, each of our adult child wanted to share memories and words about him but preferred prerecording. This is a good option for those who don’t want to speak in front of a crowd and become overcome with emotion. It’s also an option for loved ones and friends who can’t travel.
Not every detail can be decided, nor may every wish be honored. Finances, schedules, and situations may change plans. But at least your ideas are a starting point.
Yes, dare to be creative. After all, each of us is uniquely created by God. That celebration can be as creative as He made us, in His image. So then when our Father welcomes us home, we will have honored Him and loved our family as well as we could.
When our Father welcomes us home, we will have honored Him and loved our family as well as we could.
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